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[19 Jan 2006|01:05am] |
Yeah so this journal i think is gonna be friends only for now on. So just leave me a comment here if u have a LJ and want to be added.
Love Brittany Rose
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| Grrrrr |
[29 Nov 2005|05:40pm] |
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I know i havent updated in forever...but i need to vent. My mom can be nice and she is a bitch most of the time...but lately she has been making me do things i really dont want to do and it is really upsetting me. A couple months ago she was making me go to her friends apt in glendora and picking up pain killers for her. I felt REALLY uncomfortable doing that because i am buying drugs for my mom that she abuses. I finally told her that i didnt want to do it anymore and she threw a fit and said FINE. Well then a week later she suckered me into buying them again by paying me to do it. I did it only cause i needed the money very badly for gas. Now its back to the old routeen where i go and pick them up for her. Today she asked me to do it. She called me in the middle of acme while i was buying stuff for dinner and asked me to do it. She always makes me do everything for her. I am like her slave. I dont understand why she cant get in her own damn van and get the shit herself. So i go there and get them...btw I am getting them from a half blind lady and it is just soooo weird. Its so awkward and i hate doing it. So i come home and tell my mom how i feel...and she was like "why?" all sarcastic like. And i said idk...i just feel weird bying ur drugs. And she was like "well there is things u do that i dont like...like u having sex upstairs, and u smoking pot. I said mom...having sex is natural and pot....its not like i smoke it with u...or make u buy my pot. And she was like well whatever... and she was giving me a hard time and then said fine dont do it. I hate how she makes me feel. She should understand that i dont like doing it. ALSO she makes me get pot for her and most of the time she bugs eugene and i to get her a "bud" for free. Yeah right...we pay money for that and she wants a free bud all the time. Yeah right. Its not going to happen again cause i am sick of this shit
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| Eugene and I broke up |
[03 Aug 2005|11:51am] |
Eugene and I broke up and i learned a big lesson
Well as most of you know...Eugene and I have been seeing going out for about 5 months but we have been seeing eachother since Jan. We were very close, saw eachother every single day, and loved eachother very much. We never really fought and we were all and all a fun couple. A lot of shit has gone down in the passed 7 months between us, that hasnt been good. 1 of them being about a month ago. I took the blame for a parafanelia charge that Eugene was more involved in then me. I took the blame cause I think I am a great g/f and that I knew that if he took the blame, we would have been kicked out. I loved him soo much that i did that for him. I got arrested and hand cuffed for him. He cheated on me with Tanya a while back...and of course because I loved him so much, I took him back. There is other major things that I have done for this kid, that only a selected few know about. I feel like he took me for granted and it makes me feel like shit.
Yesterday I called him to see how work was and etc. and he seemed not interested. So i said alright i'm going to go. So i IMed online and said this....
FlaMingEmpResS (4:25:45 PM): am i annoying or something?
bluegene17 (4:26:04 PM): no
FlaMingEmpResS (4:27:20 PM): idk....it just seems like i am or something. It seems like u have no joy for me anymore..like our relationship is just an everyday thing and its dull
bluegene17 (4:27:58 PM): I don't think things have gotten dull, it's just that our relationship has become much more complicated with everything that has happened in the past month.
bluegene17 (4:28:44 PM): you're parents hate me, and a lot of stressful things have been going down.
FlaMingEmpResS (4:29:41 PM): my dad likes u...my mom doesnt...but that doesnt mean our relationship has to suffer from it. If its gonna suffer...then why are we still together
FlaMingEmpResS (4:31:10 PM): And it seems that u obviously dont like me as much as u did when we 1st started going out. It seems like sex is just sex now...i mean idk
bluegene17 (4:31:30 PM): well perosnally it means a lot to me if someone's family likes me. especially if I plan to be with that person for an extended period of time. I think it's improtant to have the backing from both sets of parents.
bluegene17 (4:31:46 PM): I sort of feel the same way as you do...I don't think we have a lot in common besides sex...
FlaMingEmpResS (4:33:06 PM): my heart just went into stomach......so what are u saying...just please let it out and tell me the truth on how u feel because u have completely changed
FlaMingEmpResS (4:33:33 PM): Do u not want to be with me anymore?
bluegene17 (4:34:52 PM): I just feel like I let my passion take over, and I might not feel like you're the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. I just don't feel like we share enough in common in the ways of our personalities...it seems liek we're two very different people when I look at our parents and I worry about what it would be like raising a child with our two very different viewpoints
FlaMingEmpResS (4:34:56 PM): Oh and my mom and dad do like u....they just dont like what has been going on
bluegene17 (4:35:10 PM): that's bull your Mom fucking hates me
FlaMingEmpResS (4:35:29 PM): no she doesnt
bluegene17 (4:35:54 PM): well she treats me like shit, and if that's the way she treats someone she likes she needs to get some fucking counseling
FlaMingEmpResS (4:36:11 PM): she is just upset with what has been going on
FlaMingEmpResS (4:36:25 PM): and she doesnt know how to handle
FlaMingEmpResS (4:36:25 PM): it
bluegene17 (4:37:27 PM): and that's what I am talking about. I was raised to handle my problems with strength and courage and to use my character to face problems head on, but it just seems like your mother, who is one of your biggest influences has a veyr hard time confronting issues, and handling them with grace and character
bluegene17 (4:37:48 PM): and with responsibility
bluegene17 (4:38:09 PM): all she has done about her own problems which have recently come to surface, is to put the blame on other people
FlaMingEmpResS (4:38:10 PM): u know i am nothing like my fucking mother eugene
bluegene17 (4:38:37 PM): I know you aren't
FlaMingEmpResS (4:38:57 PM): we need to talk about this in person
bluegene17 (4:39:24 PM): I know
FlaMingEmpResS (4:40:12 PM): can u please come over or something
bluegene17 (4:40:28 PM): I guess I'll pick you up and we'll talk about it somewhere
FlaMingEmpResS (4:40:33 PM): ok
So he picked me up and I already had the idea that he was prolly going to break up with me...but i was hoping that i could possibly talk him out of it or figure out what was wrong. So we went around the corner and parked. I said talk to me, tell me whats on ur mind. He said idk, i just feel like we have nothing in common anymore and that we are 2 different people. And i said thats bullshit. We have a lot in common and we are the same person and u know it. He really didnt say much after that so i knew that was i guess a cover story to make this break up sound better when really it doesnt. So i said tell me more...and he said well, this semester is a very important one and i want to focus really hard on it and I dont want any distractions. I said welp, right there is the true reason. He thinks I am going to be a distration to him. I thought the reason was very very lame, but I knew it was the true reason. And then i asked him if he still loved me or if he ever did really love me and i asked him that for reassurance because i know he loved me. And he said "idk" and that made me soo upset but I KNEW he loved me. I guess he just said it to make me hate him more so I wouldnt talk to him again or something idk. But at this point, I am still crying like a baby and he seemed very very cold to me. He didnt say much and just let me cry. He said sorry 2 times, but u could tell he didnt mean it. So i said drive me home...so he did. And i gave him a hug and then left. U could just tell he wanted to leave really bad. So when i got in the door, I started to hypervenalate and ball my eyes out like a baby. I have never cryed that much in my life. I loved him soo fucking much and I still do. This break up was just soo sudden, I didnt see it ever coming. Part of me thinks that he likes another girl because he said this to me yesterday...
bluegene17 (5:03:00 PM): haha one of the councelors at work got her supervisor to ask me if I had a girlfriend, she thought I was her age...I think she was like 16 or maybe 17
bluegene17 (5:03:09 PM): of course I said I did : )
That just makes me feel like he is lying because he never tells me that shit. Plus the other day when i drove him car to Chris' to get him, I saw a card from a girl that worked with him at tennis and got suspicious. So i def. think there might be a girl. But idk. So after i went inside, I called Jesse and him and Bill came over and Tasha and Christine came over and all tried to cheer me up. But all my friends were in shock that this happened because we all didnt see this coming. Everything was fine. But i'll tell u what, he made the biggest mistake in his life. He lost his good friends like Ian and Jesse and etc. He lost his D and D people, and he lost me. I know he is prolly at home not even hurting right now. But he will 1 day regret this because he lost the 1 woman that would go through tons of pain for him and do anything for him.
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| Y100 is off air tonight at midnight! |
[24 Feb 2005|03:39pm] |
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I got this email from my General Manager of my radio station WYBF 89.1...Hey all you Philly radio lovers...supposedly as of Midnight tonight, Y100 will no longer exist. They're flipping formats, which means the Philly area will lose the last COMMERCIAL alternative/modern rock station in town. If you want to petition this, go to www.y100rocks.com. Now this fucking blows. When i'm not listening to my cd player, i always turn on y100. So what i want everyone to do is spread the word of this and have everyone sign that petition so we can save our y100 station. Home of the best morning show ever!
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[22 Feb 2005|09:27pm] |
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I might be like soo 30 years ago cause I'm outta the loop..but i heard that Korn and Blink 182 broke up...now i def. know about Blink...but Korn??? I am confuzled
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[22 Feb 2005|11:03am] |
I'm gonna try and update more often...but no one likes to leave me comments anymore and it makes me sad :(. But today i woke up at 915 just to go to college success class and i walked all the way over there...and there was nooo one there. I was extremely pissed off. So now i am all wide awake and have nothing to do until like 250 when i drive to chc for band. I hope i go to band today cause i wanna play. The only reason i wouldnt go is if Jay and Keith dont go...so hopefully they do go. But now i am listening to music and watching Dawson's creek with my roommate. Yesterday was fun on the radio show. It was me and bobby and ginger and this guy Donny from the band One up. Wayne was sick throwing up or something so we did the show without him. But everything kept screwing up lol. Mic 2 was making me sound weird and then the Mic's kept hissing and it was just funny. But yesterday i was in a weird mood and making everyone laugh. It made me feel awesome. I even made Bobby laugh which is hard to do. I came up with some pretty funny questions yesterday for Donny and he kept up with me which was awesome.
In other news.... The Pennyroyals came up last Sat on Kat's show. It was fun...they are great guys. They gave me 2 tickets to go and 1 for free cause they want me to film them...so my free ticket is a backstage pass to film them and whatever which is awesome. So i cant wait for that. Well i'm done my update.
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[22 Feb 2005|10:17am] |
What are you wearing?: jeans and my hhh prom shirt
Who are you talking to?: my roomie
How is the weather?: cold
What are you listening to?: dawsons creek
What/Who are you thinking about?: I am thinking about how i got up for class this morning and it was canceled
What are you looking forward to?: seeing my baby today
What are you dreading?: nothing at the moment
How are you feeling?: tired
How is your hair?: dirty and thrown up in a pony tail
What are you annoyed by?: the smell in my room....i cant figure out what the hell it is
Emotions
What emotion do you feel the most?: happy
What emotion is the best?: happy
Worst?: depressed
What songs make you cry?: none really
What movies make you cry?: Moulin Rouge
What always cheers you up?: dancing or singing
What makes you madder than anything?: when boys act stupid or my mom sometimes
What hurts you the most?: prolly boys
What makes you happy?: friends, music, singing, dancing
Depressed?: bills, jobs, and etc.
Are you a really emotional person?: na not really
What do you do when you're depressed?: i usually curl up in a ball or eat or something
What song do you think was written about your life?: haha i'd have to look into that one
When Was The Last Time You..
Burped?: about 50 secs ago
Went to the movies?: um...i think when i went with Chrissi
Went out to eat?: I went out with Jesse last weekend
Cried?: its been a while
Got dumped?: um...its been a while
Dumped someone?: um...i guess Bill the 1st time we went out
Threw up?: New years
Went skating?: um...good question
Went for a walk?: i usually walk everyday across campus
Ate ice cream?: prolly a couple days ago cause i love ice cream
Got into a fight?: uh....its been a while for that too
Issues
Do you do drugs?: yep...just weed
Do you have a mental disablity/illness?: Yes ADD whoo hoo
Are you on any medication for any type of disorder?: yep...i only have 5 pills left :(
Do you or have you ever had an eating disorder?: no way
What kinds of illnesses run in your family?: Sclaradoma, Diabities
Who was the last person you...
Talked to?: my roomie
Yelled at?: no one
Kissed: Billy
Hugged?: i havent gotten a hug in awhile...just kisses
Went out to eat with?: Jesse
Talked to on the phone?: um i think mommy
IMed?: Lu lu
E-Mail?: uh...i think Zack
Got flowers from?: um...well i got a choc. rose flower from Bill for V-day and last time i got real flowers is from Jesse in Audubon
Danced with?: um...a bunch of really hot chicks and Jim and Joe at the bowling ally last weekend
Fought with?: prolly mom
Worried about?: Heather
Cried over?: i dont remember
Thought about?: bill
Are you...
Understanding?: i think so
Pretty?: i would say average...i will be better when i lose a little way
Nice?: sure.
A bitch?: i can be
Hard to get?: I'm pretty straight forward
Confident?: just a little bit
Depressed?: nope
Hyper?: i was yesterday...i was so proud of myself...i was making everyone laugh
Friendly?: yeah
Hungry?: na...i just had a salad
Original?: sometimes
Shy?: not at all...everyone knows me as outgoing
Emotional?: sometimes
Messy?: once and awhile
Immature?: i can be sometimes
Trusting?: yes
Healthy?: not now lol
Sleepy?: yea
Lonely?: na
Independent?: ive become more since ive been away at school
Romantic?: im a hopeless romantic..
Do You...
Do you drink [alcohol]?: yes
Do you party a lot?: not a lot...but i do
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?: haha
How often do you use the word "like" in an average hour?: um...not sure
Do you skip classes? How often?: haha all the time...but thats gonna stop
Do you steal?: nope
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?: sometimes
Do you drool over celebrities?: yes! Angelina Jolee UMMMMMMM
Do you watch a lot of TV?: only when the roommate is here
Do you ever watch the news?: sometimes
Do you read books often?: not really
Are you failing a lot of your classes?: i dont think so this semester
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?: yes
Do you smoke cigarettes?: when i'm depressed
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens: I wish i was...i have no money
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?: not when i'm taken...i dont look when i am taken
Do you cuss a lot?: sometimes
Are you desperate to fit in?: never
Are you intelligent?: sure, lol
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearence?: na, i could careless
In the last 24 hours, have you
Cried: nope
Bought something: food
Gotten sick: no
Sang: yes
Eaten: yes
Been kissed: not in 24 hours...but prolly 36 hours
Felt stupid: a little.
Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: no, i told them
Met someone new: yep..Donny from the band One up
Moved on: no.
Talked to someone you have a crush on: nope
Had a serious talk: no
Missed someone: yeah
Hugged someone: nope
Fought with your parents: no.
Dreamed about someone you can't be with: nah.
Personal
Who is your role model: Um...this is pathetic...but i really dont know
What are some of your pet peeves: i cant think of anything right now
Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: yes
Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: yup
Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: yup...musicians or someone that loves music
Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): best friends? not that i can think of
Want someone you don't have right now: no
Ever liked your friend: yea
Do you want to get married: yes
Do you want kids: 2
Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: i have no idea
Are you happy with you: not right now...mabe a little later down the road
Are you happy with your life: for the most part.
If you could change something in your life right now, what would you change?: skinner
Pierce your nose or tongue?: tongue
Be serious or be funny?: funny
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[17 Feb 2005|09:32pm] |
If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
(Now post this in your LJ and find out what mine would be)
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[15 Feb 2005|11:57pm] |
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Well today sucked a lot of balls. My alarm didnt go off today so i missed my 935...so then i eventually get up and go to CHC for band practice...but Jay and Keith decided to skip it again so i skipped too cause I feel weird not going with out them. So then Bill was sleeping again. That sucked cause Valentines day he was sleeping the whole time i was over also. So at 1st i just thought he just didnt want to be around me even tho he kept giving me the excuse that he was sick. Idk...but anyway...i was gonna stay til about 6 but i got so bored just hanging out with Nick and watching Bill sleep that I said fuck this and just left. I guess i was a little upset that for the past 2 days i went over there he was passed out. But whatever. After the radio meeting, i came back to the room and happened to check my myspace email. There was an email saying I have information on ur b/f bill that u would know about. Right when i saw that I crawled up in a big ball and my heart and stomach started to ach. I thought again that mabe he had cheated on me. So I emailed him back and gave him my sn and whatever. He IMed me back saying listen...ur b/f is playing games and he is playing games with u and my cousin Jacki. I said oh great....not again. So he showed me this whole convo between him and this Jacki chick and how she likes him a lot and how they did shit at his house and how she just found out he has a g/f and didnt know it. And then they started talking about me and they knew all this info on me and whatever and it was just fucking crazy. My heart was in my throat. I couldnt take it cause i was about to cry. So i called Nick to spill my guts to him cause I thought Bill was at work. Well Bill called out sick cause he wasnt feeling well so i said fine Nick put him on the phone. So after arguing with Nick for a bit, he finally put him on and i told him what was going on and he like flipped out saying that fucking bitch and that he admits he got with her but it was after Chrissy and him broke up and before we even started going out. Then i looked back into the convo and it did make sense if it was that way. So he kept me on the phone and called Jacki and said I cant believe u are saying this to my g/f u are a bitch i never cheated on her i got with u a while ago...etc. Then the last thing i remember him saying is Eat my Asshole and i just laughed. He was sooo pissed off that this chick said this. And by this point i started to believe him. So now everything is fine and whatever. My heart hurt for a bit...but it was fine after a while
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[10 Feb 2005|01:56pm] |
if you read this, even if i don't speak to you often, please post a memory of me.
it can be anything you want, so long as it happened. i'll try my best to do it back to you.
then post this to your journal, & see what people remember about you... or not.
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[07 Feb 2005|12:40am] |
Ok well the Eagles lost. I was pissed/upset/angry....but I knew they didnt play as well as they should have. But for how bad they did play....it was a close and good game back and forth. I am proud of my Eagles atleast making it to the superbowl. Perhaps next season they will make it. It seems they always take a notch up each season...so hopefully they will be bringing home rings next season.
Later
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[23 Jan 2005|11:14pm] |
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YEAAAA THE FUCKING EAGLES TO THE SUPER BOWL YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
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| My 1st baby experience |
[11 Jan 2005|01:44am] |
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Well today I was just lounging around and whatever until around 4:00...my mom gets this phone call that my life long friend Heather was going into labor with her child. So i get up real fast and say hey lets go. Now this girl i have not seen in about 2 years. Heather is a little troubled girl that has a bad life at home and has no friends but me. She has a lot of built up anger and likes to beat people up. She is a lost soul and is only 17. So this was a first that i even found out she was prenate. So we get up and go to underwood hospital. When i walked in the door...she was soooooo happy to see me she almost cried. So we talked a little and whatever, i met the father/b.f. He was a real asshole and stuck up little dick but i delt with him. So we talked and whatever and she said Brittany, I want u in here with me when i deliver. I was like really? and she said yes, i want u here. I said ok i'll be here. So everyone eventually left and i talked to her one on one. She was telling me about how her b/f hits her and shit and when she told me that i imediately hated him especially for hitting her when she was pregnate. She admitted that she wants to change her life and stop having low selfesteem. And i said well, i will help u with that. She also said she wanted me to be an aunt to the baby and be a big part of the baby's life. I said ok, i will do anything for ya and the baby. So then everyone came back in. She started at 4:00 with being about 4cm...then when they checked her at 8 she was 9cm. U have to be 10cm to have the baby...so she was almost there. So i grabbed the camera and what not and got ready. So then about a 1/2 hour later the nurse checked her again and she was 10cm's. So we said ok...here we go. So i started taking pics of her pushing and stuff and i was right next to the nurse watching everything happening down there. We didnt see anything for a bit and then all of a sudden i saw the babys head about 2 inchs into her and i screamed I SEE THE HEAD! so i was the 1st person to see it and everyone looked and was shocked. So she kept pushing and push until finally the head was ready to come out. So the doc came and and i'm clicking pics left and right and holding her hand and watching everything. So she did a big push and all of a sudden the head popped out and we all started to cry. It was sooo cool looking...and then the doctor went right up there and grabbed the baby right outta her and it was amazing!!!! Then Brian cut the cord and they took the baby and started cleaning him up and he started cryin and it was sooo cute. It was fucking awesome to watch. I was soo happy to share that experience with her and everyone. The baby was 6 weeks premature but it came out very nice. Usually premature babies are only like 2 or 3 pounds...this baby was 5 pounds which is great! The doc said that if she had the baby on time...he would have atleast been 10 pounds which is crazy. But he came out good and everything was there. I go a really good shot of the doc holding the baby up. It was soo cute. And i got pics of Heather holding him and what not and then they took him away to give him food and stuff. It was soooooooooo coooll. The babies name is Ryan Patrick Bernd and he was born at 9:21 the same exact time i was born which i find reallllyy cool. Well i am off to bed, i have work tomorrow morning...but that was def. an experience of a lifetime
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[04 Jan 2005|09:20pm] |
haha...thats aweosome!! U cant rape the willing tho ;)
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[31 Dec 2004|07:29pm] |
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Tons and tons of parties to attend whoo hoo!!!!! Time to get my drinkage on. Happy 2005
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[27 Dec 2004|01:01am] |
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I hate this Earthquake shit man. It kinda scares me a little :-/
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[25 Dec 2004|05:32pm] |
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well everything i got this year for christmas, i needed but is also pink. Lol my parents went all out in pink this year for me. Pink Comfiter, Pink Sheets, Pinks Clothes, Pink Pillow, Pink everything lol. I didnt get anything electronical this year cause I basically have it all but an ipod. But i got lots and lots of pink clothes and jackets, i got a pink scarf set, some perfume. I did get egg crates for under my bed which i needed realll bad. My sheets and Comfiter are awesome pink and purple. I got pink fire Jammies which is cool. Pretty much i had a great christmas. I know I still have a lot yet. Oh and my Uncle gave me 50 dollars so that was neato. Alright, i'm off to sleep. I am doing obsolutely nothing today which feels awesome. Usually every christmas we go to my grandmoms but my parents didnt feel like going today, so we are going tomorrow. I actually wish we went today cause i'm hungry and want turkey and mash pot. yum yum. Oh well, i guess i will have to deal with pizza bites. Well Merry Christmas Everyone!
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| Rob Taylor and Mike Ready |
[20 Dec 2004|04:07am] |
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Well tonight was quite interesting. After I got home from taking a micky D/chrissi and jon car ride...i came home attempting to go to bed until suddently i get this phone call. It was Mike Ready telling me to get my ass over to the Days In in Brooklawn to see him and hang out with him and Rob Taylor. So it took a lot in me...but I got up and actually went over there considering I have not seen Mike since Nick Parisi's death. So i get there and park and I call his cell and Rob answers and trys finding me to get to the room. I find rob and we go into the room. All u see is beer cans everywhere and 2 guys on the couch sleeping and Mike passed out. I was soo mad that he was passed out cause i drove all the way over to see him. Rob said he took his Insamnua(sp?) pills. I said why the hell do u have those? He said cause of everything that happened with Nick...which i can understand since he saw his best friend die and plumit to his death right in front of him. So Rob kept asking me questions and it was getting quite annoying...but i flowed with it and whatever. He asked me if i was still getting with Mike...i was like no i dont think so. And then he said outta know where "damn u got a lot cuter then i last saw u." I was like okkk thannxx...like at that point i started getting uncomfortable cause Rob has been my life long friend like Nick, Mike, and Tom Domeracki are. So it was a little wierd. So basically he admitted to me that he has liked me from day 1 but always hid it because i was always with Mike. But then he seemed like he suddently wanted to get with me...and i quickly asked him what he wanted right now. Cause Rob and Mike are going off to Iraq together in Jan. And he said he wanted a relationship...but he wants it reall slow. I said oh. So at that point i started saying oh well i just got outta a bad relationship and i dont want anything..and he is trying to presuade me other wise. so basically he wanted a relationship with me before he went over seas. I was like oh boy. He also asked....if i kissed u right now, would u turn away? I said yes and he was in shock. It was really funny but whatever. I just find that whole thing reallllyyy weird. I dont know what to do with this lol. I dont want to be mean to the kid cause he is going off to Iraq in like a week ya know and i know all he does is think about Nick's death and I know he is fucked up from that and i feel bad as hell. I just dont know what to do.
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